Hej turist, åk till Petalax!
Hufvudstaden svämmar över av turister, för att lätta på trycket vill Catariina Salo, Miss Gay Finland 2015, och den största kändisen från Petalax, styra turistströmmen till sin vackra hemby.
9000 turister besökte Helsingfors i går, de kom i sex stycken kryssningsfartyg och stannade i sju timmar. Därtill fylls Helsingfors för tillfället av gymnaster från hela världen, eftersom evenemanget Gymnaestrada pågår som bäst.
Om du som turist tycker att det känns trångt för tillfället, varför inte ta dig ut på landsbygden? Häng med mig till Petalax!
OBS. För att alla våra internationella gäster ska förstå den här viktiga guiden, kommer den att skrivas på Londonska.
Hello tourist, I am the gayest miss in Finland 2015!
I noticed that around 9000 of your kind have just arrived in Helsinki by båt. Since it is trångt like drunk herrings in our capital at the moment, with all the Gymnaestrada people, I would like to give you an alternative experience. I want to let you find a new wild strawberry place in our fine country, trust me you would get really dizzy in the ball if you would go looking yourself.
You see, the thing is that I happen to come from the most awesome place in Finland. It is a beautiful lush little place in Ostrobotnia. The place is called Petalax, or Poke-a-salmon, if you wish.
Getting there and around
Start from the hamnen in Helsinki, go northwest to the railway station. From there you take a train to Östermyra (Seinäjoki). Change trains and get the mjölktåget to Vasa. When you, after many hours, arrive in Vasa you get to kanske have a friend möta dig.
The best thing about Petalax is that there are almost no kollektivtrafik! So the prick on the eye is that you get to make new friends while lifting the 50 kilometers from the tågstationen in Vasa.
Hotels in Poke-a-salmon
One of the best things in Petalax is that there are absolut inga hotels. There are a lot of red houses with white knots, though.
If you want to go and sleep inside, just knock on en dörr and ask: “Kan ja få sååv hie i natt?” (/kən/ /jə/ /fəʊ/ /səʊv/ /aɪje/ /ɪnæt/) . If they answer “vetja he” (/wɛt/ /jə/ /hiː/), you can go in and have a sleep on the sofa. Coffee seven times a day is included.
If you want the ultimate Poke-a-salmon-experience there are a lot of lador, not the russian car but the wooden house, that you might be able to klättra in i. But don’t sleep too much, here in Petalax everyone is usually up with the cock.
Highlights in Poke-a-salmon
Petalax is located near the Östersjön in the Kvarkens skärgård and kulturarv. Being so close to the water brings it’s own atmosfär. If you want to get to the Vievitchen-beach, you just have to promenera seven kilometer from the centre.
One of the best things about Petalax is that it is very platt. That means that even the jättelilla hill that exist by the church i the village seems enorm. Climb up the small hill and look over the village center, you will find many interesting red houses with white knots. It is very pittoresk.
Things to do in Poke-a-salmon
Take the grand tour! If you want to do a walk about, maybe walk in the footsteps of the celebrities of Petalax or gå i förfädernas fotspår, you have a wonderful chance to do just that in Petalax! Because there are no guides, the tours are free of charge.
A kilometer of päronoåkrar (/peər/ /ɒn/ /əʊk/ /reə/) followed by a skogsstig that was used for kettle, and then maybe you will find your way through the gravgården where you can get a free ghost tour.
If you want to do the grand tour by bike, you probably will find a bike at Samppinas, the local market. If it is unlocked it means you can borrow it for the afternoon.
Top sights in Poke-a-salmon
You can not see the Eiffel tower in Petalax, but we have a fantastically tall tall … I mean pine. A tall pine. It can be found in the forest just behind the potato hall. A bird has whispered in my ear that on a beautiful day you can even see the birdhouse in the top.
Like Berlin, and other cool cities, Petalax of course has their own övergivna buildings. The övergivna places are perfect for experimentella photoshoots and spökhistorier.
While Berlin has places like Hitlers bunker, Petalax has a lot of abandoned mink houses. If you don’t know what a mink is, let me tell you that it is a ladies’ scarve while it's still alive.
Sneak into the long buildings and feel historys wing hits. You may still be able to smell the mink food. Perfect for taking cage selfies! But remember to throw a goat eye on the minks, the little fellows do bite!
Essential information about Poke-a-salmon
Haggling is not unheard of in Petalax. It has to be done in the most försiktiga manner though, annars you soon will end up paying double the price.
Here is an important glossary:
Va kostar e? I would like to pay now, please.
Näj satan, he va no fö dyrt! Do you take American Express?
Ja he dågar väl no tå. Yes I want to pay by credit card.
Papp denn. Thank you so much, bye now!
Other important words:
Schoup. (an inward breath) Yes!
Vetja he. Yes, that sounds awesome!
Hie har du. Here you go!
La hit päror. Could you please pass the potatoes?
Du ji no rama tu. I love you with all of my heart!
Welcome to Poke-a-salmon, friend!